Countless Blessings

So blessed, again and again, to be surrounded with all the good people.

Today in the evening, I received a message from a friend to go down and collect the food from her. Foodpanda service she said. And she brought a little bit of rice because I am on diet now. Her homecooked food. Steamed fish + pienapple cucumber salad! Yummy~ first time eating that kind of steamed fish. Very appetizing kind of taste.

Not long after that, I received a call from my another friend. To go down to collect her homecooked food. Ended up eating my dinner in her car. She explained, Evelyn, I didn't bring much rice for you because I know you are on diet. But this stewed meat with potato MUST eat with rice. (~totally AGREED). Therefore she brought some rice for me despite I am on diet.

Really touched by their kindness.

Not long after that, I received a message from my ward nurse, "Dr. Evelyn, jangan makan petang, tunggu malam nanti makan." Yeah~ I sensed something dangerous to my fat tissue! Haha. When she came during her night shift, she said, "Dr. Evelyn, I only bring a little bit of rice for you because you are on diet!"

There goes my diet plan. There's a reason why I am growing vertically (^_^")

Thank you God for all Your countless blessings. I am surrounded with good people, those who loved me. Thank you to all of you :)

Happy Nurses Day

This post I dedicated to all my comrades, nurses.

I remembered there was once when I was a junior medical officer (just off tag), I had a walk-in case in labour room, a case of placental abruptio. That time, my senior was in the emergency department seeing a case and my registrar was in OT. I was alone in labour room with my fellow nurses.

It was a calm midnight till a pregnant lady came complaining of abdominal pain with profuse per vaginal bleeding. I suspected placental abruptio and as soon as my nurses heard the diagnosis, they knew that this is an emergency. I was still new back then, the nurses helped me a lot. In just a few minutes, they prepared the patient, put her on the CTG. Some helped me to set 2 branulas and took the blood, up the IV drip. Houseman pushed the scan machine while I quickly went through the antenatal card. CTG was bad and worsening. After completing the assessment, we immediately prepared the patient for emergency caesarean section. My senior came and he agreed for emergency operation for this patient. Everything had been carried out FAST! Not long after that, the patient was called to operation theatre. It was my first adrenaline rush incident and I couldn't have make it through without a good team work by my nurses and housemen.

The senior nurses have the experiences hence they know what to do. On the other hand, those junior nurses will help out with whatever that they can. The housemen, following the instruction also helped a lot.

I had many more encounters with the nurses. Not everything can be shared in public due to the confidentiality issues. All I want to say is, nurses are the unsung heroes. It is great working with them. They are not only my colleagues, but they are also my friends.

Happy Nurses Day to all the nurses. Please stay safe~

June 2019, oncall

December 2019, Unicorn Run

April 2020, before going in for an emergency operation

2020 (^_^)

21-03-2020 COVID-19

It has been a week since I moved out. Get to know that the coronavirus has finally come to Sibu last Saturday, so I decided to move out from my home. At home, I have an elderly grandma. Working in hospital itself is high risk to have a close contact with Covid, especially when I am seeing those walk-in patients in labour room and outpatients for gyne patients. So I made a very difficult decision, which is to move out.

15/3/2020: Everday, I am still seeing one Malaysian couple who went to Japan with their relatives from Singapore. Accidentally saw someone commented in their facebook, they need to be quarantined when they are back from Japan. One of them replied, it is a good time to do daily devotion and read bible. Personally, I don't agree with anyone who is still flying to anywhere, around the world. This is not the time. Faith? This is how you use your faith in God? Faith is the trust in God in whatever circumstances we are facing, not when you purposely walk into a fire without any reason. I am not a saint and I wouldn't want to comment much on this. In the event of COVID-19, we can see people's selfishness and ignorance.  It is not about you not fearing of deaths, it is the matter of your selfishness, ignorance, you don't care if you might be one who bring back the Covid to us.

Grateful enough, I found an owner who agreed to rent her unit to us. Make the payment for 1 month rental fees and deposit on the day. Moved in to the house that night.

I am grateful again, staying with my close friend and her 2 sisters.

16/3/2020: Oncall, one of my houseman had a panic attack. She just clocked in for work, and suddenly she was hyperventilating and having muscle spasm. After making sure that she has no risk for Covid 19, we sent her over to ETD. After settled, I asked her to go back and rest at home. It did create a small chaotic moment in the labour room. With this active Covid 19 atmosphere, everyone were scared but remained calm. Terminal cleaning done. Grateful enough, everything went well for that night.

For the rest of the weeks, nothing much. 2 of my colleagues joined the Covid 19 team and hence there's some changes in the oncall roster. Supposedly I finished all my oncalls during the first 2 weeks of March, but I need to replace my colleague's oncall. It's ok, because either way, I will be either working or going back home, alone.

Just hope that public will have more awareness and honest. I still have friend who called me up yesterday asking if it is true that we have positive case in Sibu Hospital. They thought that the news is a fake one. Oh my dear...

All of us still can see in the news, regarding patients still hiding their history of joining the massive gathering in KL. In the end, they spread the virus around and even worst, they infected the medical personnel. Again, this is how selfish a person can be.

This is a tough war.

Health is not valued till the sickness comes

Today is a good day. I was in major OT as an assistant. We had a case of very big ovarian mass for unilateral salphingo-oophrectomy, a posterior wall fibroid  for myomectomy and also a staging examiantion under anaesthesia + cystoscopy for a cervical cancer patient. Yesterday, one case of postpartum bilateral tubal ligation was added in.

It was a tough day as I was down with cough and flu. Thank God, the surgeon managed to settle all the cases fast. The patient for bilateral tubal ligation refused for operation just before the anesthetist doctor put her into anaesthesia. Patient changed her mind last minute. Having 11 children, but she is still not keen for BTL. It is patient autonomy.

After work, I managed to go for jogging at Permai Lake, followed by a dinner with my friends. Ended up eating more than exercising, as usual.

Simple daily routine. Been non-stop sneezing since I am back home and my throbbing headache is getting worst. Better get an early sleep, oncall tomorrow :)

Hopefully, tomorrow my condition will improve. Need a good heatlh to enjoy another good day. There is a saying, "Health is not valued till the sickness comes". Padam muka for not taking good care of myself.

What Does Hope Really Look Like?

Hope is an optimistic state of mind based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one's life or the world at large. (Wikipedia)

Today I had an opportunity to chat with another long standing patient in my ward. She was diagnosed with cervical cancer last year. Managed to get chemotherapy and radiation. However, her disease progressed. She is now receiving palliative care from us. She has a little bit unusual presentation as compared to others. In short she is now having difficulty in breathing, she needs those machines to support her.

Despite being told that she will be in her current condition and her condition may only deteriorates, she is still hoping that she will recover. She told me, she also wants to be like others, she doesn't want to be bed-bound. I asked her, is there anything else you want or wish to do? She said she wants to see her kids graduate. She said she hopes that she will recover real soon. 

She then asked me, where is Kakak K. She discharged home already? I was reluctant to answer. At last, I said yes, she was discharged home already. Little did she know that, she was discharged to another place already.

Maybe living with hopes is better than knowing that there is no hope anymore.

The irony is, cervical cancer is often curable if it was diagnosed at an early stage.

For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope, because who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with endurance. (Romans 8:24-25, NET)

There goes my last 4 months rotation in gynecological ward. 

The Wilted Roses

This 35 years old lady, with underlying cervical cancer with disease progression was a regular customer in our ward. Her condition were not good. She had a mum and a brother. Brother was already married, their father left them for another women. This patient, Ms S preferred to stay in the hospital. Her condition was not good and she was not fit for the palliative chemotherapy.

She was the one:

1. whom I arranged her to SGH, Kuching previously. (end of last year)
2. whom she wished to have a life like other normal person.
3. whom she saw me came out from my oncall room after taking my shower, and told me that how she wished to be able to take a shower. (she was bed-bound and her mother wiped her body and changed her pampers everyday).

Sometimes, patients ask questions or give statement which will pierce through your heart.

Her condition deteriorated day by day, we kept her in the ward, giving the best supportive care that we could including IV drips, painkiller etc.

One day I decided to buy her a bouquet of roses. To my surprise, she broke into tears when she received the flowers. Her mother helped her to put the flower in an empty bottle, and her mother watered the flower 3 times in a day. But roses wilted after a week. I managed to quietly changed her roses on weekly basis. Managed to change 3 times in total. At last, during my oncall, her condition further worsen and at last, she left all of us. I signed her death certificate. Before this, I didn't see anyone came to hospital to visit her, except for her mum, sat by her side everyday and took good care of her. However, when she passed away, some unfamiliar faces turned up.

Some people questioned me that, why I bought her flowers instead of giving her money to buy some good food for her. I don't know. I am happy when I see flowers. I hope she will be happy as well by receiving the flowers. My wish is just to add a little bit of happiness for her. I don't know what else can I do for her. She had junk food and kuih raya beside her bed but she had no appetite at all.

At last, the roses wilted forever, no more replacement, unable to be revived.

It is the same with our life.....please live your life to the fullest, and above all, appreciate those around you, those who helped and loved you. Especially those who helped you even when they themselves are struggling, because they really love you.

My last oncall on 16th August 2019, I admitted another cervical cancer patient with disease progression. Her bowel obstructed and became distended. Her kidneys are in bad condition. She is 41 years old. She asked me is there any hope to cure? Her son(adopted) is only 1 year 9 months old and he is waiting for her at home. How did I answer her? What did I say to her?

Friendship

We were strangers, on a crazy adventure,

Never knowing, we will meet at a crossroad,

Never knowing, what we'd have go through.

And here we are,

In your hardship,

You are looking for a new life,

In my ordinary days,

I am still in search of the past.

And at the crossroad,

You guided and helped the inexperienced me,

In my mistake, you stood up for damage control,

At times, you motivated and inspired me,

When I lost hope,

You were there to remind me.

We talked, we cried and we laughed,

You welcomed me into your journey,

I found someone there,

I see the journey of the most important lady in my life.

And there we are,

Had a little smell of the river,

A blow by the cool evening breeze,

Listened to the whisper of the heart,

Walking down the riverside.

Love is beauty, love is pure,

Love pays no mind to desolation,

It flows like a river through the soul. 

How does a moment last forever?

How can a story never die?

In this precious and priceless moment, 

Somehow, our time and place, stand still.

5th July, 2019 at 2235H