Months ago, I received the news from my mum. A pastor was diagnosed to have breast cancer (I wasn't sure about wether it's benign or malignant). I still remembered when I was 13 or 14, everytime when I came back to Sibu during my school holidays, I always looked forward to listen to her sermons (although I am not good in Chinese, I find it easier to understand her sermons). Furthermore, I always heard a lot about Rev. X from my mum, hence, maybe that was how I get to know her and found out that she is amazing!
There were lots of encouraging posts, praise and worship songs on her profile page.
Until 1st of November, 2012, my mum told me that Rev. X will be going for her first chemotherapy on the next day. I was stunted, sad, really sad. Without noticing it, that night, I cried in my room. This is because, as for me, chemotherapy is not just a word, it is a word full with the pain. My heart ached when I knew that Rev. X had to undergo all those side effects of chemotherapy. There is a long lists for that :( That night, I knelt down on my knee and cried. I can't study, I was really sad. I don't want this good speaker, good leader, good pastor, good shepherd to suffer from these side effects of chemotherapy... My heart ached even worse when I realized that she means so much to her family, relatives, friends and those who know her. How if they have to watch her suffering from all those side effects of chemotherapy? While weeping, I asked God for answer.
After I cooled down a little bit, I went online and listen to some sharings in lightradiofm.com (真光电台). This is when I came across this song, 在天堂相遇（direct translation: Meet in Heaven). The chorus sounds like this:
I cried again. I know, one day we will meet in Heaven :') and I want to be your family members, in the eternity.
On the next day, early in the morning, I SMS a few bible verse to my mum, my mum forwarded it to her.
我在急难中求告耶和华，向我的神呼求
他从殿中听了我的声音，我在他面前的呼求，入了他的耳中。
他从高天伸手抓住我，把我从大水中拉上来，
他又领我到宽阔之处，他救拔我 因他喜悦我。 （诗18: 6, 16, 19)
My class started at 9.15 am but as usual I arrived at hospital around 7 something. If I was not mistaken she will have her chemotherapy at 9 am. I kept on looking at my watch, wondering how she was. I assumed she will be nervous as well but surely God is with her. No one will ever understand all the side effects of the chemotherapy that she has to go through, except for those who has the experience.
Now only I understand why my lecturers always asked us to treat the patient like your own family. I have seen a few patients with breast cancer, but the feeling that I experienced this time was so different!
I was sad for a few days after that, everytime I will compose a SMS but there were never been sent. Every night I will listen to the song entitled, "在天堂相遇", repeatedly. Until on the 5th of Nov, 2012, while reading the Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix, I came across this,
“There is no shame in what you are feeling. On the contrary, the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength. Suffering like this proves that you are still a man, this pain is part of human-
Then I don't want to be human.”
The feeling of seeing others suffering is so torturous. Seriously, I just want to go numb. (either way, I had done this before). Be numb and just get over it. Among my friends, I am the one who has a hardened heart. However, this time, I failed to be stone-hearted towards what my pastor is suffering.
Recently, I think of her most of the time. When I think of her, I will pray for her. Same goes to what happened in Gaza now :'(
There were lots of encouraging posts, praise and worship songs on her profile page.
Until 1st of November, 2012, my mum told me that Rev. X will be going for her first chemotherapy on the next day. I was stunted, sad, really sad. Without noticing it, that night, I cried in my room. This is because, as for me, chemotherapy is not just a word, it is a word full with the pain. My heart ached when I knew that Rev. X had to undergo all those side effects of chemotherapy. There is a long lists for that :( That night, I knelt down on my knee and cried. I can't study, I was really sad. I don't want this good speaker, good leader, good pastor, good shepherd to suffer from these side effects of chemotherapy... My heart ached even worse when I realized that she means so much to her family, relatives, friends and those who know her. How if they have to watch her suffering from all those side effects of chemotherapy? While weeping, I asked God for answer.
After I cooled down a little bit, I went online and listen to some sharings in lightradiofm.com (真光电台). This is when I came across this song, 在天堂相遇（direct translation: Meet in Heaven). The chorus sounds like this:
I cried again. I know, one day we will meet in Heaven :') and I want to be your family members, in the eternity.
On the next day, early in the morning, I SMS a few bible verse to my mum, my mum forwarded it to her.
我在急难中求告耶和华，向我的神呼求
他从殿中听了我的声音，我在他面前的呼求，入了他的耳中。
他从高天伸手抓住我，把我从大水中拉上来，
他又领我到宽阔之处，他救拔我 因他喜悦我。 （诗18: 6, 16, 19)
My class started at 9.15 am but as usual I arrived at hospital around 7 something. If I was not mistaken she will have her chemotherapy at 9 am. I kept on looking at my watch, wondering how she was. I assumed she will be nervous as well but surely God is with her. No one will ever understand all the side effects of the chemotherapy that she has to go through, except for those who has the experience.
Now only I understand why my lecturers always asked us to treat the patient like your own family. I have seen a few patients with breast cancer, but the feeling that I experienced this time was so different!
I was sad for a few days after that, everytime I will compose a SMS but there were never been sent. Every night I will listen to the song entitled, "在天堂相遇", repeatedly. Until on the 5th of Nov, 2012, while reading the Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix, I came across this,
“There is no shame in what you are feeling. On the contrary, the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength. Suffering like this proves that you are still a man, this pain is part of human-
Then I don't want to be human.”
The feeling of seeing others suffering is so torturous. Seriously, I just want to go numb. (either way, I had done this before). Be numb and just get over it. Among my friends, I am the one who has a hardened heart. However, this time, I failed to be stone-hearted towards what my pastor is suffering.
Recently, I think of her most of the time. When I think of her, I will pray for her. Same goes to what happened in Gaza now :'(
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