Again, decision making gives me migraine..
I really planned to attend the bible study last Wednesday but there is a mid-posting assessment on Thursday! Brother Joshua messaged me in the morning, asking about my attendance. However, I did not reply him immediately, I waited until 5 something, only then I started to think about my problem: my struggle.
Btw, it's a lie if I tell you that the matters didn't bother me the whole day.
My palpitation got worsen when the times was nearer and nearer to 8 p.m. (This was the time when Bro. Joshua will come and fetch me to the bible study gathering)
.....in between, I was thinking about lots of things:
1. I am in a conflict with one of my housemate.
2. I missed a deadline to submit my name for private GP attachment, because I have to submit my name by
Tuesday in order for me to get a copy of letter issued by the Uni.
3. I wanted to go to the bible study gathering but there's still a lot of topics that I have not read yet.
Initially I called up my mum and asked for her opinion. She said if I haven't finish up my reading, I do not have to go to the bible study. She added in: "But... Rev. Mee Ing mentioned before, those who prioritized God will be blessed by Him."
Later, I still felt uneasy, I wanted to SMS someone to ask for opinions on this matter. However, I realized, whatever they said, it won't change my mind of going to the bible study. Maybe I just want to get a reassurance from a Christian? I don't know. Lastly, I didn't SMS. So, I called Hasvini, my housemate, and she came into my room. I gave a sudden cry because I really can't take it anymore and she was shocked. She did comfort me not to worry too much.
Yknow what?! This is the time when you start questioning yourself why do you want to become a doctor, bla bla bla...
And what make me laugh was that Hasvini promised me that if I was called up to stand in front of the class for not submitting my name for the private GP attachment, she will stand with me. Upon further prompting, she said she will stand by me emotionally, but not physically. If I insisted her to stand with me, she will stand in the toilet -_-" C'mon, doesn't everyone scare of lecturers? Perhaps not all la..
Unfortunately, I fear God more than anything else. I admitted that I don't know much about Christianity and the God's promises but one thing that I know is whatever God says, it is TRUE and He will keep His PROMISE according to His time and His PLAN. Now, I am trying my best to have a daily devotional time.
I always hold on to a verse from 1 Samuel 2:30, "Those who honor me, I will honor..." (Got it from the story on The Flying Scotsman- Eric Liddell), in short, prioritize God ^^,
I flashed back my memories on how God helped me to go through the up and down of my four year medical student life and I strongly believe that He will help me again. I must do my best (means that I have to study also) and leave the rest to God!
So.. I had my dinner and went to the bible study gathering.
The bible study that night was a helpful one for me. We discussed about the topic: Denial of Self. At first, I was so scared if I will break down during the bible study gathering but then during the bible study gathering, I felt so relaxing, listening to the sharing from brothers and sisters in Christ. I learnt a lot from their sharing :)
I slept straight away as soon as I arrived home. I was supposed to wake up at 2 a.m. and continue my revision. However, I overslept and woke up at 4 a.m. Looking into my handphone, there were 12 missed calls from my mum since 12 a.m. until 4 a.m. hourly... >.< Pity my mum, I told her that I will just use the alarm clock in my handphone but she insisted to wake me up through her phone calls. I felt bad but really grateful to have a mum like that. She always mentioned that I was away from home ever since I was 13, hence, she will do whatever that she can, to help me to success in my study :')
So basically I had enough sleep, but then the contents in my head will be less a little bit. I still believe that God will helped me.
The ending: I managed to do the questions in my mid-posting assessment, although the marks wasn't like "Wow!" but I still thanks God :) My fear was that I couldn't make a diagnosis. First diagnosis I got it right, it's occupational bronchial asthma, however, I just couldn't understand how the diagnosis of allergic rhinitis can come across my mind at that point of time for the 2nd diagnosis...so.. I got it right too. Yeah, so thanks God for everything, for the up and down! However, there's still a lot of things that I can't answer when the lecturers prompt me when I was in health clinic. Therefore, I have to READ MORE...Gonna start with pharmacology of common diseases (mainly I have to read on the side effects of certain drugs coz pharmacology is my FAV-VOUR-RITE.. (^^)/
In addition, no more cold war between one of my housemate with my friend and I! And this morning, my lecturer already passed me the letter for the private general practitioner without scolding me for my late submission of the details.
^^, that's all!
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