Love letter to God,
Last night, my junior, Ms. X was stress. Apparently all of them(the juniors) were scolded by the lecturer. I got a SMS from her and decided to invite her to come over to my room.
I spent around one and a half hour chatting with her. I gave her some advice and shared my experiences with her. At the same time I listened to her as well. At around 11 pm, she went back to her room.
Actually I had allocated my times to study on "the back pain" (a topic in my orthopaedic posting) but I had spent the times with her. I comforted myself, it's ok, just sharing how God helped me through my third year and hopes this will help her.
Just now I went to meet her again, to pass her hard disks back to her(she was asking for medical ebooks from me). She bought me a winter melon tea(ya, that is so nice of her) and she asked me what time I will be going to the church this Sunday. I was stunted for a while...wow! I was so happy. However, at that time, I just remembered that I will have a replacement class this Sunday. Oh, luckily just now my group leader, Amira, told me that she will ask my lecturer to bring forward the class to this Saturday so that I can go to the church this Sunday.
Dear Heavenly Father, YOU are listening to my prayer! Last Sunday, I actually prayed that she will follow me to the church.
I am happy because Ms. X will be following me to church this Sunday. (hopefully my replacement class will be changed to this Saturday)
I am happy because I have such a caring Muslim friend.
But whom shall I share this happiness to? since my mum was currently very busy looking after my grandma and she was occupied with church works.
99% of my friends are muslims, although they are awesome, always listened to me, but then, as for this time, I don't think it is suitable..
My friend, Lu Yi, whom I used to share a lot of things with her was so busy ever since she started to work in Hospital Sibu. :( :(
That's why My dear heavenly Father, I am writing this to You... ^^, thank YOU... Pls continue to be with me, help me and guide me.
And thank you Lord, for the war between Israel and Gaza since last week has come to the end. I couldn't bear to see those victims of the war.
From your daughter.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
在天堂相遇 See you in Heaven
Months ago, I received the news from my mum. A pastor was diagnosed to have breast cancer (I wasn't sure about wether it's benign or malignant). I still remembered when I was 13 or 14, everytime when I came back to Sibu during my school holidays, I always looked forward to listen to her sermons (although I am not good in Chinese, I find it easier to understand her sermons). Furthermore, I always heard a lot about Rev. X from my mum, hence, maybe that was how I get to know her and found out that she is amazing!
There were lots of encouraging posts, praise and worship songs on her profile page.
Until 1st of November, 2012, my mum told me that Rev. X will be going for her first chemotherapy on the next day. I was stunted, sad, really sad. Without noticing it, that night, I cried in my room. This is because, as for me, chemotherapy is not just a word, it is a word full with the pain. My heart ached when I knew that Rev. X had to undergo all those side effects of chemotherapy. There is a long lists for that :( That night, I knelt down on my knee and cried. I can't study, I was really sad. I don't want this good speaker, good leader, good pastor, good shepherd to suffer from these side effects of chemotherapy... My heart ached even worse when I realized that she means so much to her family, relatives, friends and those who know her. How if they have to watch her suffering from all those side effects of chemotherapy? While weeping, I asked God for answer.
After I cooled down a little bit, I went online and listen to some sharings in lightradiofm.com (真光电台). This is when I came across this song, 在天堂相遇（direct translation: Meet in Heaven). The chorus sounds like this:
I cried again. I know, one day we will meet in Heaven :') and I want to be your family members, in the eternity.
On the next day, early in the morning, I SMS a few bible verse to my mum, my mum forwarded it to her.
我在急难中求告耶和华，向我的神呼求
他从殿中听了我的声音，我在他面前的呼求，入了他的耳中。
他从高天伸手抓住我，把我从大水中拉上来，
他又领我到宽阔之处，他救拔我 因他喜悦我。 （诗18: 6, 16, 19)
My class started at 9.15 am but as usual I arrived at hospital around 7 something. If I was not mistaken she will have her chemotherapy at 9 am. I kept on looking at my watch, wondering how she was. I assumed she will be nervous as well but surely God is with her. No one will ever understand all the side effects of the chemotherapy that she has to go through, except for those who has the experience.
Now only I understand why my lecturers always asked us to treat the patient like your own family. I have seen a few patients with breast cancer, but the feeling that I experienced this time was so different!
I was sad for a few days after that, everytime I will compose a SMS but there were never been sent. Every night I will listen to the song entitled, "在天堂相遇", repeatedly. Until on the 5th of Nov, 2012, while reading the Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix, I came across this,
“There is no shame in what you are feeling. On the contrary, the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength. Suffering like this proves that you are still a man, this pain is part of human-
Then I don't want to be human.”
The feeling of seeing others suffering is so torturous. Seriously, I just want to go numb. (either way, I had done this before). Be numb and just get over it. Among my friends, I am the one who has a hardened heart. However, this time, I failed to be stone-hearted towards what my pastor is suffering.
Recently, I think of her most of the time. When I think of her, I will pray for her. Same goes to what happened in Gaza now :'(
There were lots of encouraging posts, praise and worship songs on her profile page.
Until 1st of November, 2012, my mum told me that Rev. X will be going for her first chemotherapy on the next day. I was stunted, sad, really sad. Without noticing it, that night, I cried in my room. This is because, as for me, chemotherapy is not just a word, it is a word full with the pain. My heart ached when I knew that Rev. X had to undergo all those side effects of chemotherapy. There is a long lists for that :( That night, I knelt down on my knee and cried. I can't study, I was really sad. I don't want this good speaker, good leader, good pastor, good shepherd to suffer from these side effects of chemotherapy... My heart ached even worse when I realized that she means so much to her family, relatives, friends and those who know her. How if they have to watch her suffering from all those side effects of chemotherapy? While weeping, I asked God for answer.
After I cooled down a little bit, I went online and listen to some sharings in lightradiofm.com (真光电台). This is when I came across this song, 在天堂相遇（direct translation: Meet in Heaven). The chorus sounds like this:
I cried again. I know, one day we will meet in Heaven :') and I want to be your family members, in the eternity.
On the next day, early in the morning, I SMS a few bible verse to my mum, my mum forwarded it to her.
我在急难中求告耶和华，向我的神呼求
他从殿中听了我的声音，我在他面前的呼求，入了他的耳中。
他从高天伸手抓住我，把我从大水中拉上来，
他又领我到宽阔之处，他救拔我 因他喜悦我。 （诗18: 6, 16, 19)
My class started at 9.15 am but as usual I arrived at hospital around 7 something. If I was not mistaken she will have her chemotherapy at 9 am. I kept on looking at my watch, wondering how she was. I assumed she will be nervous as well but surely God is with her. No one will ever understand all the side effects of the chemotherapy that she has to go through, except for those who has the experience.
Now only I understand why my lecturers always asked us to treat the patient like your own family. I have seen a few patients with breast cancer, but the feeling that I experienced this time was so different!
I was sad for a few days after that, everytime I will compose a SMS but there were never been sent. Every night I will listen to the song entitled, "在天堂相遇", repeatedly. Until on the 5th of Nov, 2012, while reading the Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix, I came across this,
“There is no shame in what you are feeling. On the contrary, the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength. Suffering like this proves that you are still a man, this pain is part of human-
Then I don't want to be human.”
The feeling of seeing others suffering is so torturous. Seriously, I just want to go numb. (either way, I had done this before). Be numb and just get over it. Among my friends, I am the one who has a hardened heart. However, this time, I failed to be stone-hearted towards what my pastor is suffering.
Recently, I think of her most of the time. When I think of her, I will pray for her. Same goes to what happened in Gaza now :'(
Sunday, November 4, 2012
知道你要受化疗，我心疼
四年前,你在祷告会中为SPM 的学生祷告。
我不能接受我自己SPM的成绩，过后就跑出卫国礼堂哭。
四年后，知道你要受化疗，我心疼:'( 又哭了。。。
每逢想到你要接受化疗，我无法控制我的眼泪。
化疗。。。。非常非常辛苦。。。
起初，从我妈妈那儿得知你的病情，
禁食祷告，希望那不是真的，
diagnosis confirm 过后，我经常会到你的fb page你那里看看，
就是没勇气fb message 你，
知道明天要接受化疗的你，
想要SMS你，可是，写不出字来，
上网找the side effects of chemotherapy,
边读，边哭。
Chemotherapy is not just a word for me, it's a word with sufferings. :(
"因为多有智慧，就多有愁烦。加增知识的，就加增忧伤"。（传道书 1：18）
我不能接受我自己SPM的成绩，过后就跑出卫国礼堂哭。
四年后，知道你要受化疗，我心疼:'( 又哭了。。。
每逢想到你要接受化疗，我无法控制我的眼泪。
化疗。。。。非常非常辛苦。。。
起初，从我妈妈那儿得知你的病情，
禁食祷告，希望那不是真的，
diagnosis confirm 过后，我经常会到你的fb page你那里看看，
就是没勇气fb message 你，
知道明天要接受化疗的你，
想要SMS你，可是，写不出字来，
上网找the side effects of chemotherapy,
边读，边哭。
Chemotherapy is not just a word for me, it's a word with sufferings. :(
"因为多有智慧，就多有愁烦。加增知识的，就加增忧伤"。（传道书 1：18）
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