God will take care of her.

"我 雖 然 行 過 死 蔭 的 幽 谷 ， 也 不 怕 遭 害 ， 因 為 你 與 我 同 在 ； 你 的 杖 ， 你 的 竿 ， 都 安 慰 我 。" (诗篇23：4）

Dear God,
I pray that You will ease rev. Wong's sufferings. I admitted that we are weak and there may be times when we want to give up but You will never give up on Rev. Wong, your beloved children and also a very loyal servant of Yours. I pray that You will grant her sufficient grace to make it through this time. Please let her have a good sleep at night. Thank you God, in Jesus name, I pray.

I am worry everytime when I think of her. But then I will give my worries to God the Al-Mighty. The only thing I can do is.. To pray for her, trusting that God will take care of her.

Blessed Dinner

Sis PJ invited me to her house for dinner. It was so wonderful. I ate a lot, since I did not have my lunch this afternoon. I was and am...so blessed! Thank you Lord for the food. ^^, I love home cooked food. It really cure my homesick syndrome. :) hehe..

Tonight the sharing from Pastor Kevin was great too.. He shared about how Paul rejoiced although he had been caught and locked up in the prison. We need to rejoice, in all circumstances.

Thank you Lord, again.. for all the angels. I shall face my exam with a joyful heart. I will really do my best and leave the rest to God. Let's do it this time!

12/12/2012. 10.11pm. : Still, all the while, I am thinking of those who went for the short term mission trip and everytime when I thought of them, I will ask God for His protection over them. God please be with them, another 4 more days to go, please grant them good health... this is all i ask from you, in Jesus name, I pray. I will give the worries to God, surely He will protect them.

Yeay EXAM! I am coming!

Trying to write in chinese :)

昨天的心情真的是烂透了! 很累很累.也有点压力,可能是快要考试了吧!

从大学回来,差不多傍晚五点多...看了一部戏,上网facebook, 查电邮。。。就是不想读书！心情真的很不好。。。可能是不高兴吧。。。得知福青有几位契友去了短宣，自己不能去。。。

可是，我也想了，就算我没考试，我有放假，我能去短宣吗？我能做什么？？？:( 我什么都不会，连最基本的华语都不会!!

所以，我能做的只有为他们那些短宣队的members来祷告。宣教工作不容易，求神与他们同在。

可能明天或星期四需要禁食，为一位牧者和这群短宣队的人祷告。

主啊，求你帮助我！我真的要做一个医生吗？求你教我这么爱人，我觉得，慢慢的，我以经把那颗爱人的心丢掉了。因为，一旦跟某某人很好，我开始会attach to him or her. 更何况那些病人:( 所以，我选择做好自己该做的事，然后走掉。Means that I clerked them, examined them and leave. 一旦把感情放进去，我会很辛苦，很难受！看见Gaza和 I 国的战争，我心疼。看见Sudan的小孩被抓去当兵，我心更疼。。。

我真的适合做医生吗？:'( 

昨晚，十二点多打给妈妈，跟妈妈聊了很久。她告诉我福源家的update. 心情好些，后来就读书读到两点半才睡。。。

我觉得我变了，以前朋友约我出去，我会觉得兰费时间。现在反而是我约她们去看戏。不再听诗歌，反而听最新西方的歌。。我只知道我不要活在过去（为什么13岁离开Sibu,后来不能参加团契），我也不要活在未来（一直想回家,Sibu...那里有什么？教会的归属感？）圣经？昨天才开始读。。。可是每个礼拜还是同样的有去小组，有去崇拜。。是时候不要一直要那个不全在的教会的归属感！慢慢的要接受现在去的教会。。。上几个月去参加姐妹会，牧师叫我毕业后就留在这里，帮忙这间布道所。。。

这里的弟兄姐妹很好。一位很好的弟兄，也是长辈很好。有一次五点半就来接我去晨祷会:) 有一位姐妹，也是前辈,她人很好，每次煮晚餐送来我家:) 真高兴认识他们。。

Why mission?

"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light" — John Keith Falconer

"God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply" — Hudson Taylor

"God isn't looking for people of great faith, but for individuals ready to follow Him" — Hudson Taylor

"The Great Commission1 is not an option to be considered; it is a command to be obeyed" — Hudson Taylor

"If I had 1,000 lives, I'd give them all for China" — Hudson Taylor

"God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on him." — Hudson Taylor, missionary to China

"Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God" — William Carey, who is called the father of modern missions

"To know the will of God, we need an open Bible and an open map." — William Carey, pioneer missionary to India

"Is not the commission of our Lord still binding upon us? Can we not do more than now we are doing?" — William Carey

"The spirit of Christ is the spirit of missions. The nearer we get to Him, the more intensely missionary we become." — Henry Martyn, missionary to India and Persia

"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose" — Jim Elliot, missionary martyr who lost his life in the late 1950's trying to reach the Auca Indians of Ecuador

"We are debtors to every man to give him the gospel in the same measure in which we have received it" — P.F. Bresee, founder of the Church of the Nazarene

"In the vast plain to the north I have sometimes seen, in the morning sun, the smoke of a thousand villages where no missionary has ever been" — Robert Moffat, who inspired David Livingstone

"If a commission by an earthly king is considered a honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?" — David Livingstone

"Sympathy is no substitute for action." — David Livingstone, missionary to Africa

"Can't you do just a little bit more?" — J.G. Morrison pleading with Nazarenes in the 1930's Great Depression to support their missionaries

"Lost people matter to God, and so they must matter to us." — Keith Wright

"The Bible is not the basis of missions; missions is the basis of the Bible" — Ralph Winter, missiologist

Feeling down as if the dawn is approaching

They went to short term mission, I also want to! And yes, I am now having the times where I felt so low. I don't know how to describe this feeling. Just feeling... A little but down. Perhaps i was just having stress because exam is just around the corner, just obe more week left to prepare for my exam.

Those in youth fellowship went to Song for short term mission trip, I also want to go. However, I still have exam next week. Now I am having my study break. Even I don't have exam, I don't think I will go, because I know nothing, I do not know how to spread the gospel. Huh... Since I can't go I will pray for them. I believe, they will face problem, but at the same time God is with them, what should they fear of?

Christmas is approaching, whom should I invite to the Christmas church service?

I am seeking.. the courage that I lack. Sign out first, there are still lots of topics I have not yet cover....

Oh ya, I need to fast, don't know when but it must be before 14th Dec, this Friday.. Will pray for Rev. who will be undergoing her chemo and also the short term mission.

Love letter to God

Love letter to God,

Last night, my junior, Ms. X was stress. Apparently all of them(the juniors) were scolded by the lecturer. I got a SMS from her and decided to invite her to come over to my room.

I spent around one and a half hour chatting with her. I gave her some advice and shared my experiences with her. At the same time I listened to her as well. At around 11 pm, she went back to her room.

Actually I had allocated my times to study on "the back pain" (a topic in my orthopaedic posting) but I had spent the times with her. I comforted myself, it's ok, just sharing how God helped me through my third year and hopes this will help her.

Just now I went to meet her again, to pass her hard disks back to her(she was asking for medical ebooks from me). She bought me a winter melon tea(ya, that is so nice of her) and she asked me what time I will be going to the church this Sunday. I was stunted for a while...wow! I was so happy. However, at that time, I just remembered that I will have a replacement class this Sunday. Oh, luckily just now my group leader, Amira, told me that she will ask my lecturer to bring forward the class to this Saturday so that I can go to the church this Sunday.

Dear Heavenly Father, YOU are listening to my prayer! Last Sunday, I actually prayed that she will follow me to the church. 

I am happy because Ms. X will be following me to church this Sunday. (hopefully my replacement class will be changed to this Saturday)

I am happy because I have such a caring Muslim friend.

But whom shall I share this happiness to? since my mum was currently very busy looking after my grandma and she was occupied with church works.

99% of my friends are muslims, although they are awesome, always listened to me, but then, as for this time, I don't think it is suitable..

My friend, Lu Yi, whom I used to share a lot of things with her was so busy ever since she started to work in Hospital Sibu. :( :(

That's why My dear heavenly Father, I am writing this to You... ^^, thank YOU... Pls continue to be with me, help me and guide me.

And thank you Lord, for the war between Israel and Gaza since last week has come to the end. I couldn't bear to see those victims of the war.

From your daughter. 

在天堂相遇 See you in Heaven

Months ago, I received the news from my mum. A pastor was diagnosed to have breast cancer (I wasn't sure about wether it's benign or malignant). I still remembered when I was 13 or 14, everytime when I came back to Sibu during my school holidays, I always looked forward to listen to her sermons (although I am not good in Chinese, I find it easier to understand her sermons). Furthermore, I always heard a lot about Rev. X from my mum, hence, maybe that was how I get to know her and found out that she is amazing!

There were lots of encouraging posts, praise and worship songs on her profile page.

Until 1st of November, 2012, my mum told me that Rev. X will be going for her first chemotherapy on the next day. I was stunted, sad, really sad. Without noticing it, that night, I cried in my room. This is because, as for me, chemotherapy is not just a word, it is a word full with the pain. My heart ached when I knew that Rev. X had to undergo all those side effects of chemotherapy. There is a long lists for that :( That night, I knelt down on my knee and cried. I can't study, I was really sad. I don't want this good speaker, good leader, good pastor, good shepherd to suffer from these side effects of chemotherapy... My heart ached even worse when I realized that she means so much to her family, relatives, friends and those who know her. How if they have to watch her suffering from all those side effects of chemotherapy? While weeping, I asked God for answer.

After I cooled down a little bit, I went online and listen to some sharings in lightradiofm.com (真光电台). This is when I came across this song, 在天堂相遇（direct translation: Meet in Heaven). The chorus sounds like this:

我想和你在天堂相遇　要作你永遠的家人

望上帝的微笑直到永遠　永遠

想和你在天堂相遇　要作你永遠的家人

逛雲上的花園直到永遠　永遠。。。

I cried again. I know, one day we will meet in Heaven :') and I want to be your family members, in the eternity.

On the next day, early in the morning, I SMS a few bible verse to my mum, my mum forwarded it to her.

我在急难中求告耶和华，向我的神呼求
他从殿中听了我的声音，我在他面前的呼求，入了他的耳中。

他从高天伸手抓住我，把我从大水中拉上来，
他又领我到宽阔之处，他救拔我　因他喜悦我。　　　（诗18: 6, 16, 19)

My class started at 9.15 am but as usual I arrived at hospital around 7 something. If I was not mistaken she will have her chemotherapy at 9 am. I kept on looking at my watch, wondering how she was. I assumed she will be nervous as well but surely God is with her. No one will ever understand all the side effects of the chemotherapy that she has to go through, except for those who has the experience.

Now only I understand why my lecturers always asked us to treat the patient like your own family. I have seen a few patients with breast cancer, but the feeling that I experienced this time was so different!

I was sad for a few days after that, everytime I will compose a SMS but there were never been sent. Every night I will listen to the song entitled, "在天堂相遇", repeatedly. Until on the 5th of Nov, 2012, while reading the Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix, I came across this,

“There is no shame in what you are feeling. On the contrary, the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength. Suffering like this proves that you are still a man, this pain is part of human-

Then I don't want to be human.”

The feeling of seeing others suffering is so torturous. Seriously, I just want to go numb. (either way, I had done this before). Be numb and just get over it. Among my friends, I am the one who has a hardened heart. However, this time, I failed to be stone-hearted towards what my pastor is suffering.

Recently, I think of her most of the time. When I think of her, I will pray for her. Same goes to what happened in Gaza now :'(

知道你要受化疗，我心疼

四年前,你在祷告会中为SPM 的学生祷告。
我不能接受我自己SPM的成绩，过后就跑出卫国礼堂哭。

四年后，知道你要受化疗，我心疼:'( 又哭了。。。
每逢想到你要接受化疗，我无法控制我的眼泪。

化疗。。。。非常非常辛苦。。。
起初，从我妈妈那儿得知你的病情，
禁食祷告，希望那不是真的，
diagnosis confirm 过后，我经常会到你的fb page你那里看看，
就是没勇气fb message 你，
知道明天要接受化疗的你，
想要SMS你，可是，写不出字来，
上网找the side effects of chemotherapy,
边读，边哭。

Chemotherapy is not just a word for me, it's a word with sufferings. :(
"因为多有智慧，就多有愁烦。加增知识的，就加增忧伤"。（传道书 1：18）

Prayer workshop @ Kajang Chinese Methodist Church

I am so grateful. Bro. Joshua came and fetch me at 5.40 a.m. and that's how I went to join the prayer workshop in Kajang Chinese Methodist Church. It was great. I learnt a lot from the pastor from Sitiawan. It was a great sharing.

Initially I was a bit reluctant to go, it was because I do not know anyone there, maybe I met some of the once but still, the feeling as a stranger was still there. However, when I reached there, a very kind sister, Sister Teh(I am not sure how to spell her name) came and approached me. I sat beside her and throughout the whole prayer workshop, she made me felt so comfortable and I stranger anxiety faded away slowly. She introduced me to many of them but I can't really remember all of them.

Arrived home around 2 p.m. To make it short, I will conclude what I learnt today in 5 points:-

• Always prioritize my relationship with God
• But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6.33)
• Praising and thanks giving through prayer
• Pray according to God's promise
• Praying in a group (gathering is a time when you put down ur self-centered life)

Dear God, let it be none of me, but all of YOU...

My Struggle: Bible Study VS Mid-posting Assessment

Again, decision making gives me migraine..

I really planned to attend the bible study last Wednesday but there is a mid-posting assessment on Thursday! Brother Joshua messaged me in the morning, asking about my attendance. However, I did not reply him immediately, I waited until 5 something, only then I started to think about my problem: my struggle.

Btw, it's a lie if I tell you that the matters didn't bother me the whole day.

My palpitation got worsen when the times was nearer and nearer to 8 p.m. (This was the time when Bro. Joshua will come and fetch me to the bible study gathering)

.....in between, I was thinking about lots of things:
1. I am in a conflict with one of my housemate.
2. I missed a deadline to submit my name for private GP attachment, because I have to submit my name by
    Tuesday in order for me to get a copy of letter issued by the Uni.
3. I wanted to go to the bible study gathering but there's still a lot of topics that I have not read yet.

Initially I called up my mum and asked for her opinion. She said if I haven't finish up my reading, I do not have to go to the bible study. She added in: "But... Rev. Mee Ing mentioned before, those who prioritized God will be blessed by Him."

Later, I still felt uneasy, I wanted to SMS someone to ask for opinions on this matter. However, I realized, whatever they said, it won't change my mind of going to the bible study. Maybe I just want to get a reassurance from a Christian? I don't know. Lastly, I didn't SMS. So, I called Hasvini, my housemate, and she came into my room. I gave a sudden cry because I really can't take it anymore and she was shocked. She did comfort me not to worry too much.

Yknow what?! This is the time when you start questioning yourself why do you want to become a doctor, bla bla bla...

And what make me laugh was that Hasvini promised me that if I was called up to stand in front of the class for not submitting my name for the private GP attachment, she will stand with me. Upon further prompting, she said she will stand by me emotionally, but not physically. If I insisted her to stand with me, she will stand in the toilet -_-" C'mon, doesn't everyone scare of lecturers? Perhaps not all la..

Unfortunately, I fear God more than anything else. I admitted that I don't know much about Christianity and the God's promises but one thing that I know is whatever God says, it is TRUE and He will keep His PROMISE according to His time and His PLAN. Now, I am trying my best to have a daily devotional time.

I always hold on to a verse from 1 Samuel 2:30, "Those who honor me, I will honor..." (Got it from the story on The Flying Scotsman- Eric Liddell), in short, prioritize God ^^,

I flashed back my memories on how God helped me to go through the up and down of my four year medical student life and I strongly believe that He will help me again. I must do my best (means that I have to study also) and leave the rest to God!

So.. I had my dinner and went to the bible study gathering.

The bible study that night was a helpful one for me. We discussed about the topic: Denial of Self. At first, I was so scared if I will break down during the bible study gathering but then during the bible study gathering, I felt so relaxing, listening to the sharing from brothers and sisters in Christ. I learnt a lot from their sharing :)

I slept straight away as soon as I arrived home. I was supposed to wake up at 2 a.m. and continue my revision. However, I overslept and woke up at 4 a.m. Looking into my handphone, there were 12 missed calls from my mum since 12 a.m. until 4 a.m. hourly... >.< Pity my mum, I told her that I will just use the alarm clock in my handphone but she insisted to wake me up through her phone calls. I felt bad but really grateful to have a mum like that. She always mentioned that I was away from home ever since I was 13, hence, she will do whatever that she can, to help me to success in my study :')

So basically I had enough sleep, but then the contents in my head will be less a little bit. I still believe that God will helped me.

The ending: I managed to do the questions in my mid-posting assessment, although the marks wasn't like "Wow!" but I still thanks God :) My fear was that I couldn't make a diagnosis. First diagnosis I got it right, it's occupational bronchial asthma, however, I just couldn't understand how the diagnosis of allergic rhinitis can come across my mind at that point of time for the 2nd diagnosis...so.. I got it right too. Yeah, so thanks God for everything, for the up and down! However, there's still a lot of things that I can't answer when the lecturers prompt me when I was in health clinic. Therefore, I have to READ MORE...Gonna start with pharmacology of common diseases (mainly I have to read on the side effects of certain drugs coz pharmacology is my FAV-VOUR-RITE.. (^^)/

In addition, no more cold war between one of my housemate with my friend and I! And this morning, my lecturer already passed me the letter for the private general practitioner without scolding me for my late submission of the details.

^^, that's all!